If you're looking for dating advice, you're looking in the wrong place. The engagement that I'm talking about is engaging with life - with ideas, communities, a purpose.

What is being engaged? I know what it's not - engagement is the opposite of apathy. Of feeling numb and disconnected, bored with life and feeling stuck.

Step outside yourself. It's difficult to engage with the present if you're caught up in your own thoughts. Have you ever talked to a self-occupied person? Someone busily thinking about what they're going to say next, while you talk to them? Learning to let go of our own thoughts, and being less conscious of our self, allows us to better engage with others and immerse deeper in life.

Stay curious. Play more. Explore and dabble in that which interests you, even if it seems "pointless" from the outset. Our culture can be too goal-oriented, and the question "what do you plan to do with that?" can dissuade us from learning purely for enjoyment. So take that macrame class, even if you don't want to open an Etsy store, and learn about behavioural economics or permaculture. Check out free online courses at Coursera and Futurelearn. Listen to podcasts. Einstein once said, "I have no special talent, I am only deeply curious".


Break apart labels. We are too often moulded into believing that we're a "science person" or "an arts person", which limits our capacity. We stop ourselves from exploring other areas of interest, because we believe that it's "not really my thing." Nothing new and undiscovered is ever "your thing" - the unknown is hard for everyone. It's the people who don't typecast themselves that make almost anything "their thing".
Care deeply, and don't be afraid to show it. It can be easier to pretend you don't care, than to explain all the reasons why you do. Expressing your opinions gently yet resolutely, especially when you think it's unconventional or you may be judged, takes practice and courage.

Show up. Go to the spaces where people talk about things that matter. Where decisions are made and things happen. Where you want to share, contribute and add value. Volunteer. Go to Meetups, workshops, talks and discussions. And talk to strangers. Always talk to strangers, because some of them will become your best friends.

Be with people. Find your people - those who encourage you, challenge you, who share your vision. Listen to their stories and ideas, and share your own. Collaborate; together, we're better.

Start creating. Move beyond merely talking and planning, and start living your beliefs. Take initiative, no matter how small the step you take.


Have hope. Believe in the goodness of people, and don't be defeated by cynicism. Let go of your expectations, and learn to love the paradox of expecting nothing and hoping for everything.

Illustrations borrowed from Jean Jullien